Yesterday was very big day. Achmed fill out form for big job in America! Friend told Achmed about job with “H1B Visa” company (“it’s everywhere you want to be”). He said many big man in Valley of Silk want peoples like Achmed come America for working. Friend then tell Achmed to visit special website for apply.

Many question on web site for apply. Strange question. Like “did Achmed fell-on-any in past year?” But they not say what Achmed fell on! And “did Achmed take dungs?” Achmed never take dungs! Not from own family and not from neighbor family! Neighbor dungs is sacred in Achmed village (donkey dungs are most sacred of all)!

But strangest question was about Achmed love life: “Did Achmed ever travel Kingdom of Saud for take new wifes?” Achmed not need travel to find wifes! Achmed very big man in village! Achmed have choice of wifes, even wifes with all teeth! And much sacred donkey dungs as dowry!

In end, Achmed not take job from “H1B Visa” company. Everywhere Achmed want to be already in village! Also, Internet say America now very dangerous place cause crazy imperialist infidel swine kuffar all have guns! More guns even than Achmed Taliban cousins from next village! And drones, too!

Achmed much safer at home in peaceful Waziristan.

Peace be upon you,

Achmed Tashnab

Photo Credit: Mario Micklisch