It is here! It is here! I is so very, very excited! New copy of Islamomopolitan magazine has come to Achmed house by nice Postman on rickety old moped!

Islamomopolitan is magazine Acmed sisters all wait for each month with much anxiousness. Magazine tell Achmed sisters all about new styles (“Black—it’s the new black!”), managing their careers (“Know your place: Why men treat you like cattle”), makeup tips (“Covering up those stubborn acid burn marks”), and even parenting (“Six new designer suicide vests—send your little one out in style!”).

Of course, Achmed always read through first in case evil imperialist infidel swine publisher try trick Achmed sisters with bad thoughts. Just other day had to cut out photo of woman from Yemen (too much ankle) and another of young girl petting baby goat (no “gay kid porn” allowed in Achmed house).

As big brother, is important for Achmed make sure keep sisters pure. If not, they get crazy idea, like maybe want speak mind or (god forbid) drive Achmed car!

Silly, silly sisters with crazy idea—they make Achmed go crazy, too! And worse! Their silliness fill Achmed with evil, carnal thought! Damn you to hellfire, evil imperialist infidel swine publisher!

Now…where’s my goat? I NEED my goat! NOW!!!

Peace be upon you,

Achmed Tashnab

Photo Credit: Adam Skalny